"In which two dorks roleplay and Terezi owes Dave a new cape"

I am terribly sorry because this was literally due weeks ago and I’m awful.

DaveRezi fic written for jalules (WHO WROTE A BEAUTIFUL THING FOR CERI SO I FEEL BAD THAT THIS IS SO LATE)

“The high and mighty Knight of Deliciousness creeps her way through the tower, smelling nothing but the black licorice ash left behind by the weak who came before her.”

Terezi crouches lower, turning her head left and right in an imitation of looking for danger.  She creeps forward, one foot in front of the other, and approaches the door at the end of the hall.  “The brave knight squares her shoulders, knowing what she is about to face.  She may never return, for the mighty, powerful beast may swallow her whole and use her frail human bones as toothpicks!”

“Any day now, Pyrope-“

“But the delicious knight fears not!”  she declares over the muffled complaint coming through the door.  “She charges through the door with great bravery, ready to fight for prizes of fame, glory, and banquets of her human red skittles!”  She pulls the hood of her cape up over her horns and kicks in the door, performing a flawless acrobatic fucking pirouette into the center of the room.  With a scratch and a sniff, she retrieves her cane from her strife specibus and stands at the ready.

“The den is quiet,” she murmurs, raising her nose to smell the air.  Her mouth splits into a wide, sharp grin as she turns her head to follow the trail.  “But the brave knight smells the reeking stench of her most fearsome foe, the mighty dragon Emperor Grimesniffer!”  She strikes her pose, pointing the end of her prop cane at the cabinet in the corner and preparing for the inevitable strife with the foe.  “She taunts the beast! ‘Come out for a strife!  Face your greatest enemy, fearsome beast!”

A good few beats go by before there’s finally a rustling inside of the cabinet.  The right door creaks open, and the head of her dragon foe appears, followed by his left leg.  The right one gets a bit stuck, though, and he stumbles out as ungracefully as dragonly possible.  Terezi grins a bit wider at the low hiss of a curse let out under the dragon’s breath and cocks her head.  “Have you anything to say for yourself, Emperor Grimesniffer?”

Emperor Grimesniffer huffs, dusting himself off as if to reclaim a small shred of his dignity.  He steps forward, and finds his head jerked back a moment later.  With a  frustrated grunt, he turns and yanks his tail out of the cabinet door, dropping it unceremoniously next to him with a thwack. 

“I am the mighty Emperor Grimesniffer,” he announces, raising his hands to try and frighten the knight away.  “Grar grar, you ain’t got shit on my nasty dragon breath, so you better split before you get sent to your-“  The dragon cuts himself off halfway through, frowning and pulling his hood back.  “Shit, Pyrope, did you poke your horns through my hood.”

“A knight’s armor must fit them properly!”

“No, seriously, I told you that you could borrow it, not rip it up to-“

“Prepare yourself, Emperor Grimesniffer!”  With a battle cry, the troll launches herself at the dragon, who let out a hiss of “shit!” before yanking his dragon hood back down and rolling out of the way.  He stands and lets out a roar before he throws fireballs that distinctly resembled balled up pieces of paper at the knight.  The fireballs are knocked away easily (“I totally just burnt your arm off” “Not a chance!” “Bullshit, I hit you and you know it”) and once again the troll rushes in to hit the dragon.  The dragon dodges, throwing more fireballs at the knight in an attempt to distract her.

Suddenly, the dragon is jarred from his attack by the familiar yank of his tail, catching him in the throat as it was pulled back with enough force to send him onto his rear end.  A sharp jab hits his chest, and he lifts the hood just enough to look up the length of the cane and further to the wide toothy grin.  “And with a fatal strike to its heart, the brave knight defeats the fearsome dragon!”  she declares, before plopping herself into his lap.  “And now,” she continues as she tugs the dragon hood from his head, running claws through the short blond hair, standing at the most awkward angles from static.  His brows rise over the top of his glasses as the corner of his mouth quirks up to match her wide grin.  “The brave, mighty Knight of Deliciousness claims her prize…”